love on the spectrum

Like many others, I have become enchanted by the series Love on the spectrum. If you haven’t yet seen it, it follows a number of young men and women who are on the autism spectrum as they date and find love. Being on the spectrum they lack the social filters those who are neuro-typical have. They say what is on their mind and their feelings are strong and on display. Not having the typical filters, they don’t manipulate or play games with their feelings. When they listen they take the time to really listen before responding honestly. They sit in their uncomfortable silences. Like all of us, they want to love and be loved. My friend said these are the real indigo children. I believe that is very likely true.

It’s natural for anyone to be scared when embarking on an intimate relationship with another person. Intimacy can shake us to our core. We who get in our heads about relationships often muck up and muddy the waters with our insecurities. After all, we may be rejected and our heart may be broken. But we need to have the courage to be vulnerable even in the face of rejection if we’re going to let ourselves be truly seen and loved by another person.

Those of us with a conventional mentality can get quite good at hiding our vulnerabilities and brokenness. The “smarter” we are, the better we can hide. Unfortunately, by hiding what we consider our weaknesses we don’t let others really see and love us as we are leading to our feeling alone and lonely. Besides blocking the free flow of love, withholding our brokenness from the world stunts our ability to give the world our gifts. In our attempt to protect ourselves from emotional pain we build a wall between ourselves and our hearts desire to really be seen and loved by those around us.

In a time when wanton cruelty is running rampant all over the world, particularly in the part of the world where I live, it is so important to remember basic goodness. These kids on Love on the Spectrum show us how its done.  To simply enjoy the moment, fully. To love so hard you can hardly speak. To tell the truth in a direct, simple way. What rays of sunshine these kids are! And we get to see some great parenting as well. These kids are able to remain safe in their vulnerability because of parents who love and respect them just as they are. It takes a lot of generous parenting to ride alongside these children through thick and thin. The parents in this series show up for both the joys and pains of living with children on the spectrum. They don’t hide their struggles. I find that tremendously refreshing, just the kind of balm we need for these times of darkness and cruelty.

Funny that the stuff we’re trying to hide, our vulnerability and brokenness, is the part of us that has the most potency. I applaud Netflix for getting the tone right in this show and showing us what love looks like. We need a lot of that in our diet now.